NOTICE: The incredible alien in the Airwaves gum commercial circa 2006

“Earth is pretty boring, it’s time to go back to my home planet!” »Concludes the stunned alien

Now let me be clear; I’m not a fan of Airwaves, this deeply minty chewing gum to clear the airways.

But around 2006, the brand released a terrific TV commercial featuring a pot-bellied alien with antennas, arriving to earth in a semi-spherical, super-lit, high-tech spacecraft, possibly from the far reaches of the galaxy.

He is greeted by a man dressed in a hat (and a congregation of spectators), with a bundle of waves, who majestically says: “Welcome to earth. Make yourself at home!”

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He launches an air wave and then tries to familiarize himself with existence under this new and strange promontory called Earth, all the while appearing more and more depressed, lonely, “alienated”, out of place, alien and deeply desperate.

He is sitting in an armchair, chewing, drinking, watching mediocre TV. He looks so dejected that he can barely bother to manually manipulate the remote.

Presumably, his home planet was much more exciting than that kind of low voltage, low stimulus carry-on baggage.

He watches in the midst of a deep existential crisis and angst as he is then crushed against the subway passengers, so that his odd little face is smashed against the window between the costumed hordes.

He’s going to play bingo on his own, looking as bored as if he were to watch the paint dry.

He takes a shower, only to then have to run downstairs, with a towel protecting his modesty, as the phone rings, but he stops as soon as he arrives and kicks the table in frustration.

He’s trying to barbecue in the rain, find work holding a sign with the location of a golf sale, and play tennis on his own, with one of those balls you tie to a pole and a racket. inadequate. He accidentally hits himself in the face.

He tries to work on flat furniture, which then collapses around him, then he has the Damascene moment, unfortunately not available to humanity now, where, after taking a wave, he “comes to his senses” , quickly climbs aboard his gloriously celestial spacecraft and flies off the earth and returns, presumably far into the stratosphere, rather than reverting to what one can only conclude to be an experience he would rather forget.

If only I had this spaceship …

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